Help! I Need a Mentor!
Hey Church Planting Ladies,
Candy has some real needs. I think we have all been in a position where we have really needed a mentor or at least someone who can listen to us vent without judgment. Please read her question and take some time to thoughtfully answer it. Thank you all for supporting one another.
I really need someone to relate too. My husband is a family pastor of a new church start (4 months old) We felt God (still do) calling us to be full time first week in July, we currently live on support from family/friends, things are really starting to get behind in danger of losing house, car ect.. I believe trying to get a job for my husband or myself would be in direct opposite of what God has asked us to do. The craziest part is there is a Lead Pastor and he is working full time (a flexible job) but full time and my husband is a family pastor that pretty much does the day to day task of running the church (which we LOVE and Lead Pastor supports or decision) but I don’t feel worthy of this call first of all and second I really want to know I am not crazy. I really need a mentor that has been down this road I truly! I believe GOD will move in his time. But it is so lonely right now, my bestest bud in the whole world is our Pastor’s wife, but she is not called to walk the same road and I feel I can’t fully experience this with her. I feel my job is to be there for her. Any advice, testimony, or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. - Candy Morris
Popularity: 13% [?]
Loading ...
Hi Candy,
I completely hear your cry for a mentor, I have cried for one for 6 years now & am still asking God, I also hear your financial struggle, we too have faced threats on losing our house & our car, have struggled with food for the children & all sorts of things! I can’t offer to be your mentor I have only been on this journey a short while myself but all I felt to say in response to your cry is - HANG IN THERE! Leading a church was never going to be easy and was never going to be without a high price. The only way I manage to encourage myself is to keep looking at the faces of the people that God has changed & I keep marvelling at what He has done in each and every person’s life. I keep choosing to find the good & accept that the struggles are a part of the war that we are fighting to advance the kingdom. In the end there will be breakthrough, He does hear our cries, He does provide for our needs, He does give us the desires of our hearts so we have to HANG IN THERE and be faithful even through the lean years. Quite frankly I think we have it a lot better than say perhaps Jeremiah… read what he had to go through - no thanks I would much rather have my struggles ha ha. It’s good to keep in touch with people in the same boat though, so if you want to correspond privately by email please do feel free to ask the moderators of this site for my email address, I would be happy to chat even if it is just so you can have someone not in your world to be real with.
Love
Angela
x
Hey Candy!
I am a church planters wife and I am right there with you! My husband quit his amazing job with BENEFITS to go full time for our small church plant out of obedience to God’s voice. I cried for a week when he first told me!
God has been providing in so many beautiful ways. It is not the 6 figure salary, but at the same time we see Him growing us and the people He is using to bless us.
I have found making sure I am praying specifically about our needs (for example a prayer regarding the need of a bike helmet for my son was answered within the week). Also read George Mullers biography. It is amazing and it really inspires faith!
If you ever need to talk or pray with someone who is there too, I am here! You can find me on my blog or at joshandmar@gmail.com
I will say a prayer for you!
Hi Candy,
Please know that you are not alone. We came to plant a church in Columbia, Missouri four years ago. We did not know anyone in this city. We started with church support, now Acts 29 network. I have a 6, 4, and 2 year old. I am a critical care nurse, but have not worked (stay home with the children) sense we moved here. Kevin, my hubby the lead pastor/planter, had a job (outside the church) for the first 3 years of being here. It is hard, yet the rewards are unbelievable if you remember that you are called to serve. God will bless you as you speak truth, as you support and respect your hubby and your calling, as you serve. Serve your husband, children, serve your church family, the leaders of the group (or core group), and serve the city you are in. If your heart starts expecting “something” in return then you are not serving biblical, you are serving for returned favor. That does not honor God. I go through phases or anger, hurt, loneliness, fear, etc., then I remind myself that I am called to serve. I have to remember that it is not “my job” to fix the church, or bring people to get it going faster (serve by speaking loving truth to the city, but not for reasons of personal growth, but kingdom focused growth), or to make my husband feel better, or to get Titus 2 older women to come to church and feed me, love me, mentor me, etc… then I have the wrong focus and that will disappoint me. Oh, hard it is, yet so blessed when you are focused vertical. As people come and go, as people don’t “get it”, you will be honoring God as you serve them. Serve to honor God, serve them to make disciples of all nations (not of your small core group nation
but serve the Kingdom. Our church name is Karis (greek for grace) and my hubby is Kevin… I pray A LOT to have God help me serve with a Kingdom focus and not a Karis and Kevin focus. God has blessed that… Please email me anytime and I will encourage you in this way… I fail at it weekly, but my heart is eased as I remind myself to serve Kingdom focused, and to prioritize for the Glory of God… Another entire topic on its own…:) I have to remind myself, the other leader’s wives, and the interns wives, that we are to prioritize for the Glory of God. I have papers that I work through with them that I would be happy to email you over time. We women want to “fix” and help the church, but if we are right with God, helping encourage our husbands, then our kids, then the church leaders, lost, and the list goes on… sometimes you have to just stop after the first three (God, hubby, and kids) and that is ok, at times that is your only priorities. Other times you can disciple leading women, interns, neighbors, but sometimes you just can not go beyond the first three… don’t take out hubby or God to add some new neighbor that you just KNOW will add to your church numbers… God will add to your numbers as you serve and as you prioritize for His glory… ok, I love to ramble… I will pray for all the church planting wives for the rest of the afternoon… Read 1 Peter today and tomorrow.. Remember the big picture of life, enjoy in the cross, serve and He will bless…. Email anytime, amy@karischurch.org! Amy
Candy,
You are not alone. The latest research by a leading ministry magazine is showing that this is the trend. More and more lead pastors AND staff pastors are working full-time jobs and planting one or more churches simultaneously. I think this is a trend for numerous reasons including financial reasons, but, I also think this is a move of God. The way churches are planted changes so frequently- the way one was done 4 years ago is not even the same as today. That’s why it is so important to listen to what God is saying and not get caught up in too much of what man is saying. My husband and I are currently planting a church, he is working as a full-time nurse, and we are also looking at planting another in a nearby town. We have 2 small children and we run the office from our home. It’s very challenging. After planting our first church, we learned a lot of things along the way. When we decided to plant the church we are doing now, we said we were going to do this day by day and not try so hard, but let God do it and we will just walk through the doors that He opens. Of course, we have a strategic plan, but it is a flexible plan, and we are just living life like normal and factoring in that we have to work a job into the mix. We don’t look at it as a burden like we used to. God knows what He is doing and it’s not always in our understanding. So, we just praise Him for doing it. The peace and humble confidence that we have in this plant is so great. It’s beyond what words can say and things are working out beautifully. Of course we have days like you where we are beyond ourselves. Some days I feel like I am going crazy, but you have to just hang in there. Even if God were to lead you in a direction you wouldn’t expect, it would all be for His reasons to prepare you for what you need. Sometimes there are seasons of training and learning and other times everything you touch will turn to gold. Go through these seasons and rejoice in them. It’s all a part of the journey. Email me anytime- dasialand@yahoo.com.
Thank you ladies soooo much I am overwhelmed by your responses. I will be sure to contact you with further pray request/questions. I love love love where I am at. I am sooo scared to take a step out of GODS direction for me.. I really want to please him in every step. Just hard to know if I am following him or my own hearts desire. Anyway thanks for you help and look forward to hearing more about your journeys as well
Hi Candy,
I have tears in my eyes as I read your post and the following support posts. They were encouraging to me and I hope that you are finding peace and comfort during this time. My husband is also a church planter and we moved from Richmond VA to South Hadley, Massachusetts. We left well paid jobs, a support system, and a house that has not sold to move here to the Northeast to plant a church. AND, we are raising all of our own support. I have cried, been so angry that I refused to talk to God, and have thought of ways to help God give us money. We don’t have enough money to pay bills each month, yet somehow, God is providing for our needs. We are trying to pay off debt, but it is not happening right now and it is continually frustrating. I hate fund raising, but have learned a dependence on God that I have not had in my Christian walk. Sometimes, it is a minute to minute struggle to trust HIm and hope that He will provide, and He always has come through for us. It is not always the same way or through the same people sometimes, but God has and will be faithful. I know you probably know all of this, being a pastor’s wife. Sometimes, I just need someone to remind me that God loves me, that He has promised to never leave me, and that I am His!
I am here if you ever want to talk or pray or cry! My email is rmack32@yahoo.com. If you email me your number, I will gladly call you to chat.
May you know the love of God in a fresh way today!
Christie McCullah
This is exactly what I am praying for right now. My husband and I have been childrens pastor and then we’ve traveled for over 10 years doing family programs. Now with our new church plant focusing on young families. I’ve been praying for mentor for myself since we had this idea of the church plant! I’m still praying!!
As I happened upon this website tonight while attempting to spend some time researching for a 2nd church plant my husband and I are involved in, I am completely amazed to find that there are SO many other planter’s wives out there, like myself, with SO many of the same struggles it seems I could never have put into words… How I wish I would have found you all several years ago! I almost feel as though I, too, have found a mentor to be able to relate to. I can SO relate to you Candy!
Thank you, ladies, for your openness and willingness to share your struggles as well as your wisdom. It is SO encouraging. My husband and I moved from Bakersfield, CA to Blaine, WA over 4 years ago to help plant a church. All the while, we struggled not only in trying to make ends meet, keep up with ministry needs, but ALSO in trying to fulfill God’s call to build a house- as I write this, we are now going on nearly our 4th year of living in a 5th wheel trailer with our 2 small kids (now 5.5 daughter and 4 year old son). Not only is pioneering a church a tough calling, but pioneering our own property (literally) WHILE pioneering a church has been an incredible struggle we are STILL living through. God has definitely supernaturally provided for all of our needs along the way… our faith and trust in Him has been stretched and tested to the MAX many times over.
After 3+ years of little to no growth in our 1st church plant, we felt God calling us out and have since discovered His call for us to take part in a different church plant in our area. Thankfully, this 2nd time around, we will not only have what we learned during our first go-round (both good, bad, and indifferent), but a much different perspective now… much of it is some of the wisdom the previous ladies have already shared.
Continue to hang in there and remember that it’s all for HIS glory… Let your love for Jesus and the extent of His love for you always be what drives you. Rest in His peace, in His arms, knowing that He knows and understands what you are going through more than anyone on this earth ever will. Be blessed sister!
Elizabeth
Hey Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement! I hope that this site can be an online forum where we all can go to seek answers or even just understanding and affirmation from one another. I hope we continue to meet your needs.
Love and Blessings - Anne Milam