Question Ladies:
Submitted by Anne Milam on Thursday, 9 July 20098 Comments
Ashley had a question for us as church planting wives. Please take a minute to read her question and give any encouraging advice you may have. Thanks!
Ashley - “How do I stay encouraged and be encouraging to my husband when things are so crazy and stressful? We have been meeting (soft launch) since May 1 of this year and we launch Sept 20th of this year so we are busy and trusting in God to do some supernatural things! It’s all very exciting but, I find it so tuff sometimes to fight off thinking in the flesh….any encouragement on this would be awesome!!!”
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Ashley- I find that when I am discourage my husband is encouraging and positive and when he is down and does not feel like things are going well I am the one who has the positive outlook. It seems like the enemy knows (or at least trys) to sweep in at the right time. We both work fulltime jobs, have no kids, but recently found out that my husband’s job might be laying EVERYONE off by August. So in the midst of trying to raise money for the church we may be loosing a lot of money in our personal lives.
For me - I just found this site today… I think having women who are there to encourage you and support and pray for you, that will help. It is a stretching process and we just have to do the best we can to make it through and allow God to shine through our stress.
Try to find some time for yourself and your husband. Just relax, enjoy each other and don’t talk about the church stuff, even if it is just for 2 hours. My hubby and I are going on a date tomorrow night. I am looking forward to it.
My prayers are with you guys!
Hey Ashley,
Thanks for your question. Prelaunch is one of the busiest times in the life of a church planter, but it can also be a sweet time in your marriage. Even though your husband is busy, hopefully there should be some extra free time in your week, since you are probably not having Sunday night or Wednesday night church like you might have been doing before.
Also, his week may be more flexible than at a traditional church. If he has to meet people on Saturday morning, then maybe he can take Friday morning off. I also had to really remind and encourage my husband to take his day off. Another way I could help him de-stress was to plan little mini vacations. We would get away for an overnight trip to a place not too far away, but far enough to not be home. Just getting away once in a while was good for Dave. I planned everything, he just had to come and relax.
You really have to make being together a priority and do a date night at least once a month. Once a week is ideal, but when reality hits, once a month may be all you can do. We also tried to do Family night with the kids on Friday nights. If it was summer we would go to the pool and order pizza, when it was colder we would either watch a movie or play board games with the kids. It was a good way to keep connected with the kids during the crazy prelaunch time in our church. It also is something we try to keep up now as well.
Finally, just praying for your husband and standing in the gap for him is a huge thing you can do. He will need that encouragement now more than ever.
Hope this helps!
Well I must say the ladies have pretty much covered it. As you may have read we just launched our church two weeks ago, so I am in the same boat as you, just a little further down the stream. I will give you a top five list in order of importance of the things I can’t do without along this process:
1. Pray for your husband, every day!!! His finances, integrity, work ethic, EVERTHING!! Read “Power of a Praying Wife” if you haven’t already.
2. Date Night is essential, I believe we are all in agreement with this!
3. Time for Yourself- at least two hours a week! Soaking with God, working out, being crafty…whatever!
4. Friends- These women don’t have to be going/involved with your church( its probably better if they aren’t). One night a month if possible!
5. Mentors- This is something I am still in desperate need of! It is so important to have a woman older than you thats been in your shoes to listen, encourage, and hug you when you need it!!
Hope this helps!
I do want to add that the week of our church launching…my husband got laid off ( on my birthday) and our praise and worship leaders pregnant wife got in a car accident one hour before service! These things are not coincidental, the enemy is doing his best to discourage you. Ask yourself this, if you were your enemy how would you destroy you? He knows what works best and he will do whatever it takes.
So take any attack as a sign that you are on the right track, I know its hard, but have faith in GOD and he will not let you down!
HELP, My husband is starting a new church with our pastor from a previous church we used to attend. In the meantime, we’ve been attending a local church for the past year that I love and has a strong ministry across the board for children, missions, worship, women, everything. I don’t want to leave. I don’t know what to do and I pray to God and feel uneasy about the decision he’s made to start this endeavour. I want to be in God’s will. I don’t know what to do
Hi Paula,
I know the feeling of being right were you are most comfortable, in a great spot, with a great church and not really wanting to leave. See blog post: January 2009, Dancing on the Edges of Skyscrapers. That article is a little about my journey to being a church planter’s wife.
When we moved to Charlotte 5 years ago, the church was 5 people. My husband, me and our 3 kids. Pretty scary when you come from a great established church. I don’t want to rewrite that whole article, but the move to plant was one of the best decisions we have ever made, it was great for our family (the kids told everyone their Daddy was moving us so we could tell more people about Jesus!) They totally got it and did not suffer for lack of kids programming, and instead learned the joy of serving (yes, even at 3 and 6yrs. old).
Continue praying and asking God to show you His will. If God has called your husband to plant, you don’t want to be the one who keeps him from fulfilling God’s plan. I remember David, my husband, said to me: “I don’t want to be 85 years old, rocking in the nursing home, and always wishing I had at least tried it…even if I fail.” I couldn’t argue with that. I was living my dream of being a stay at home mom, which I could do ANYWHERE, I couldn’t stand in his way of going where God led, and I didn’t want to.
Keep praying until you both have peace about it. Going through accessment certainly helped me put things into perspective also. I will keep praying for you as you embark on one of the most exciting and trying times of your life!
God Bless!
Paula,
I am new to this site and unfamiliar with navigating it. My husband is in the very first stage of considering church planting…reading and praying!! I am trying to find your article about your journey to becoming a church planter’s wife. This is something we haven’t considered or talked about. We have been in pastoral ministry for 30 years. Our children are grown and we have 3 grandchildren. Thank you for your time…and prayers…if you will!
Sorry, I meant Anne.